A new pair of tennis shoes, a shiny gold chain, a spilled hot mocha, a freshly made bed, and the smell of the world after a rain storm.
Gem was in a quandary.
She had not been feeling well these past few days. Well, for the longest time actually. She was alone at home. Her husband, Frank, was out to work. She had been spending the whole day cleaning the house. Satisfied with her efforts, she got herself a hot mocha to drink. She used to share hot mocha drink with Frank. But not anymore. She sighed. Then she sat by the table and mulled. She felt lonely.
She instinctively looked through the window.
Outside the world looked dark and dreary, as dark and dreary as she felt inside. It rained so hard the whole day.
‘Nature empathizes with me.’ She thought with a sinking feeling.
It had been her natural state for the past days, weeks even.
She could not tell exactly when it started - this depression, this gnawing anxiety. An amalgamation of events led her to this bleak day.
It probably escalated when she and Frank quarreled a few days back. They had petty quarrels even before. Gem somehow felt she was at the end of her rope.
She needed Frank.
But then, she also needed something more from him.
Frank’s love had been a beckon of hope for her all through these years. Somehow as the years went by, the light extinguished.
She woke up one day and the love was gone!
They must have drifted apart somewhere along the way without their knowledge. The bond they shared eroded as the years passed.
Gem sighed. Her hands shook. She spilled the hot mocha on the white tablecloth, much to her dismay. She quickly wiped off the spill. Then hastily picked up the stained cloth and soaked it in water.
As she headed to the laundry room, her eye got caught by Frank’s new pair of tennis shoes, idly leaning against the wall.
Gem felt a stab of pain through her heart. They bought the tennis shoes together because Frank wanted to teach her to play tennis.
She declined.
Frank could not handle the rejection. They quarreled and now they were no longer in speaking terms.
It was all her fault! But what else could she do? She could not feel the chemistry between them anymore. Their lives fell into a predictable pattern. They were so comfortable with each other that they took each other for granted. Gone were the days that they would go out on a date. Frank would not even say ‘I love you’ to her like he used to. They did not talk as often as before.
It was getting harder and harder to be around Frank. She did not want to pretend anymore.
She didn’t want to cry. She tried to hold back the tears. Yet, the tears came streaming down.
Gem heard a car pulled through the driveway. She glanced at the clock. It was 6 p.m. It must be Frank, home from work.
Gem hurriedly wiped off the tears from her eyes. Then she proceeded to do the laundry. Frank came inside. Gem briefly looked at him.
Frank nodded in her direction. She didn’t respond.
She went to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
Frank went to the bedroom to change.
Frank came out a few minutes later in white shirt and white short pants. Frank, just like Gem, was in his late thirties. They had been married for a little over five years. Frank still looked handsome despite his age. His tall, medium-built frame looked perfect in the clothes he was wearing. Unlike other men, Frank did not have the ugly bulge on his stomach. Frank took good care of himself.
“Hi Gem.” He greeted her as he settled on the sofa.
He used to call her ‘sweetie’ now it was Gem. She sighed.
“Hi.” Gem answered wryly.
The dinner table was set.
“Shall we eat?” Frank asked.
“Yes.”
But Frank did not move from where he sat. He looked at her with those deep, probing eyes, then queried, “Is everything okay?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t seem okay.”
Gem would have wanted to shout ‘it’s none of your business!’ but she kept her emotions in closed lid. “I am.”
“I’ve been wondering about this for days.” Frank slowly said. “Tell me something. I want you to be honest.”
Gem nodded.
“Are you tired of me?” he asked squarely.
Gem was momentarily taken aback. It was a direct question that demanded an equally direct answer.
Gem sighed. She looked away. She could not bear to hurt Frank. But she needed to do this. “Yes.” She answered softly.
Frank did not seem surprise at Gem’s revelation. “I could tell”, was all he said.
Gem waited more from him but when none came, she asked “So what do you intend to do about it?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Yes. Nothing. Am I supposed to do something?”
“Yes!” Gem shrieked out. “For our marriage’s sake you are SUPPOSED to do something about it. I EXPECT you to do something about it!” She was shouting at the top of her lungs now. What was worse, she was way past caring.
Frank was caught off-guard. He was momentarily at a loss for words. When he regained his poise, he managed to ask “What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to look deeper into yourself and know where you failed me.” Gem said in no uncertain terms.
“But honey, you need to know, whatever grief I caused you, I didn’t do it intentionally. I love you all this time.” Frank said empathically.
“I wish I can believe you, Frank.” Gem said in hushed tone.
Then she walked away, feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. Frank looked at her turned back for a long time.
Gem felt a bit guilty for telling him off. She wondered if she had hurt him.
Gem didn’t speak. She sat down in her chair and ate silently. Frank sat and ate with her. He too was silent. She wondered what Frank was thinking. If he thought he could woo her back then he was wrong. This problem had dragged on for so long, it was beyond repair. If she would not act soon, the problem would occur over and over again. A vicious cycle. She felt obliged to put a stop to it right here, right now.
Frank tried to cheer Gem up. He tried to crack jokes to ease the uncomfortable silence that enveloped them. Looking at Frank’s earnest eyes and infectious smile, she could not help but play along. At least they would be a couple for one day - one final time?
For the umpteenth time, Gem felt like crying.
“You’re not eating.” Frank said.
Gem forced a spoonful of lasagna in her mouth.
After dinner, Frank went to the bedroom again.
Gem stayed at the living room.
Minutes later, Frank went out of the room. He bid Gem goodbye and kissed her on the forehead. “I’m going to the get something at the store.”
Gem forced a smile as she bid him goodbye.
She went inside the bedroom to get the dirty laundry in the hamper. She noticed the freshly made bed. In her rush to get things done, she forgot to attend to the bed. Frank must have noticed it and made the bed himself.
She noticed a letter neatly folded on top of her dresser when she passed by. She opened it and read the letter. It was from Frank, addressed to her.
“Dear Gem,
I know what you are going through, honey. Whatever I did, to bring you to this point, I apologize. I didn’t mean it. I wanted to give you heaven but I didn’t know that you are in hell. I respect whatever decision you can come up with, as long as you will be happy.”
Gem had to pause as tears blurred her vision, then resumed reading:
“I will not justify my actions. I am not perfect. I admit I have wronged you sometimes. But before you decide and seal our fate, please take a moment to look back what we once had. Remember I may not always show you love but I was there through the worst times.
When your car stalled, I drove all the way to where you are to fetch you.
When you fell ill, I held you in my arms to soothe your pain.
When you failed at something, I was there to comfort you.
When you felt bad, I would make you feel better.
When you want to cry, I brought a smile to your face.
You see, after all this, I know I cannot let you go. Not because I’m selfish but because I worry who will take care of you? Until such time that you will find a man who will love you as much as I do, I don’t have the heart to let you go.
I gave you a shiny gold chain the night you said ‘yes’ to my marriage proposal. I will give you another one tonight. If you take it, it means you agree to stay. If not, I understand.”
Love you honey,
Frank
Gem cried as if she had never cried before. How many times had she overlooked Frank’s gesture of love? She wanted more from him but she realized she should be more for him.
Gem went out of the bedroom to look for Frank. She saw him standing by the door, looking so uncertain. He was worried. Gem could tell. He was holding a tiny red box in his hand. When Gem approached, Frank opened the box. The shiny gold chain glittered under the light. Gem’s tears fell in quick succession. Frank looked at her. She took a few steps forward then took the chain from the box.
Frank smiled. Gem smiled at him. She nodded in silent agreement as he fumbled on the lock and struggled to put the chain around her neck. They hugged for a long time.
Outside, the world was a picture of stillness. The smell of the world after a rain storm pervaded. Finally, the storm has passed.
-by Me
